Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Forget about the first seat on the first bus to hell, I am now the driver!

I went into our local cathedral city (yes, I know it is tautological) on Saturday on an urgent shopping trip (I needed a strapless bra for the posh frock) and as always the place was busy. Mostly with muppets!

As I was out shopping alone I mooched. A lot. Exiting Whittards I stayed very close to the shop front only to be harangued by an extremely grumpy old man on one of these. Bloody things they are! Don't get me wrong b/c one of my dear friends needs one (albeit reluctantly) to move any great distance but the bugger behind the handlebars of that particular one had some serious attitude going on.

Using that very "polite" tone he said 'Excuse me!' and when I looked at him asking if there was a problem replied I had just walked in front of him! As such a meek and delicate soul I naturally bowed my head and apologised.

End of story. Thank you for reading.

Really? Hahahahahaha!

You thought this is what would happen? How long have you been reading this blog?!?!

His "polite" tone was actually pissy and grumpy and whiney. I'm really not very good at dealing with whiney (ask any 4 y.o. I work with). He was moaning about me walking into him. Given that I couldn't have been any closer to the shopfront without actually being part of the display I suggested it might be b/c he was driving into me. It would seem not b/c both he and his wife muttered at me. He muttered something along the lines of

'Well I am in a lazy boy scooter and so of course YOU must be walking badly."

(you might want to hold your breath for this bit)

I replied "Oh of course, that's right. You are old and therefore must be right."

Honestly he was driving so badly as we crossed swords I actually crossed behind his scooter and ended up on the other side of him and the little grey wife. She was a little shocked and muttered something - I don't think she was actually allowed to use real words So I asked her to repeat it and HE answered something vaguely intelligible so as I walked away (b/c I could move so much faster than his snow mobile) saying

"If you want to start it I am quite ready to take it on!"

I then went and bought posh new make-up at Debenhams and left them steaming in their horlicks.

Anyone want to join me on the bus? I'm a safe driver.


  1. OOoooOOo, can you feel the flames licking at your backside yet?

    Why do old folks seem to feel that being old entitles them to be rude? My Mom is that way. She uses a walker, heaven help us if she gets one of the little motorized cart things!! I can see her running it into the ankles of folks!

    Poor gray wife without real words. Probably been that way all their married life!

  2. Those things are lethal. Congratulations on surviving your outing

  3. You crack me up woman,are you sure you are not a famous writer???
    PS thanks for the sweet comment on my dolly!

  4. Can't stop laughing. About time time someone stood up to one of those things!

  5. My Dad's like that...only he's still on the wheel along zimmer. Heaven help us if they give him a scooter!!

    Glad you didn't get battered to death with their walking sticks!


  6. My dad used to have one of those - I *think* he was always polite, but possibly not!

    On a more sombre note there's an old boy who used to drive one of them in the road through our village - a few weeks back there was an accident just outside our village between a car and one of those scooters, and I have a horrible feeling it was his :-(

  7. Bus? Dude, I've a feeling that I'm scheduled to be on a Titan Rocket! I always tell me co-workers that I have extra padding so I'll sizzle a little longer.

    Good to know I'll be amongst friends : )

    ps: you-know-what on its' way you-know-where by 4pm (EDT) today.

  8. Ooh, you hit one of my pet peeves - people who think tha tbeing old entitles them to be rude little so and so's. which is not to say there aren't lots of lovely older people because yadda yadda yadda but honestly, what is WITH some people? Maybe the licence to be rude comes with the blue rinse tight curl perm and the shapeless shoes and rope handle bag...

  9. Hahahhahahahahahahah!! I would have loved to have seen that! I really dislike rude people and usually mutter things under my breath about them - it has to be under my breath otherwise my 4 year old would pick up on it.