Saturday, 16 August 2008

The things you find!

We are very lucky. We must be, everyone tells us so. We are lucky because we have a larder.

Our larder is quite large. It houses ALL our food, the ironing board, ALL my shopping bags (inc. Mary the Russian Doll bag just received from Tracy) , our fridge and my baking stuff.

(mortifyingly this is NOT all of my baking stuff - it leaves out the sugars [yes plural!], the chocolate (we got both kinds - country & western!;-) and the flour.)


It would need to be large wouldn't it?

Sadly if Harry Potter was coming to visit we would have nowhere for him to sleep as my larder is also the understairs cupboard. And because our staircase has a halfturn in it our understairs cupboard also twists.

Last weekend we cleaned it out. A big 'proper job' (West Country accent is mandatory). This wasn't just a case of tidying the shelves up and having a little flick with the broom.

Oh no, no, no, no, no!

We emptied that sucker of everything but the bricks! We even took out the 700 year old piece of lino that only covered half the quarry tiles. It was a really nasty 60s pattern of black flecks on sludgey grey background (that'll be 1360s then).

We found some amazing stuff.

All those rolls of wrapping paper I bought a few Christmases back and put away safely.

The world's largest lasagne dish that didn't fit into the (preternaturally small) oven that was here when we moved in.

The world's supply of smallish spiders.

That bag of tealights from IKEA I told CK I must have used b/c they weren't in the larder.

And this.

This is our wedding cake.

My mother had it made for us. I asked her not to as CK doesn't like fruit cake (weirdo!) but she did.

However she also had the lady make us a carrot cake.

CK likes carrot cake so he went ahead with the wedding.

See that wedding cake up there? In its day it was a famous wedding cake.

People throughout Tullamarine (Melbourne's international airport) had heard of this wedding cake. We were the talk of the airport because someone (who may have a background in PR, I shouldn't like to say) had contacted Qantas to try and arrange safe passage for said cake.

It travelled back from Australia after the wedding as my handluggage.

It got us boarded on the plane early. Right along with the guy in handcuffs.

It began when were were checking in our bags. There was a queue. A BIG queue. And we had luggage. A BIG trolley filled with luggage. Wedding present luggage.

CK and I were getting a little nervous as we knew we were going to be over the allowance of 2.7 kilos each and could feel the fingertips of excess baggage charges nudging at our collars. An extra desk was opened, the first class and posh traveller's desk. The terribly well-groomed operator lady asked us if we would like to step forward.

After keying in our tickets she said 'Oh! Missus Trash and CK? Where's the wedding cake?' and proceeded to send our 700 kilos of luggage straight through to the plane without batting an eyelid.

Having said our sad goodbyes to family (well I said sad goodbyes, I think CK's were relieved ;-) we went through the sliding doors of adventure and tears. Right into the queue for the security checks.

Along with half the population of country Victoria.

When it was finally our turn I gently placed the box with the cake down on the conveyor belt and said to the nice man operating the x-ray 'Please be careful, that is my wedding cake in there.'

'Oh!' he said 'You're Missus Trash and CK? We've heard about you!!'

Well, the joy and headiness of fame is not to be denied. Waving away the paparazzi we went through the last gates and into the lounge wherein we were swiftly ushered through onto the waiting jet. Obviously we first had to wait for the English boy who had obviously outstayed his welcome to have the handcuffs taken off. But eventually we stowed ourselves in the back two seats and the cake safely above us.

Now why would we bring a wedding cake complete with ALL that delicate sugarwork 12 000 miles around the world? Transport handcrafted grevillia & wattle sugar flowers to the Northern Hemisphere? We were going to have a 'we got married abroad and all you get is a piece of this wedding cake' party for friends and family who stayed who behind.

You will notice the 'were'? Strangely enough, for some unknown reason and bizarrely we procrastinated to the point where 11&1/2 years of married life later we still haven't done it. So those of you who have received post from me should feel extremely joyous and those of you still waiting might want to get comfortable......


  1. this has made me laugh so much Trash,I only a month ago decided no longer could I find a reason to keep the intact top layer of our wedding cake(1998) lol! We cut it & it was still edible!! but 3 of us couldnt quite eat an entire cake gulp so the birds got a fair share,theres still a huge lump under the hornbeam hedge hahahahh!
    I kept the decorations :o)
    GTM x

  2. Wow, what a story, what a very important cake! I think it must have got ideas above its cake station after all that!

    Very envious of your larder - I read some mag - you know, Period Living, Country Houses or something recently that said that old fashioned larders were all the rage now - you're right on trend there Mrs Trash.

  3. I'm originally from England and live in America now and I loved this post, but was still dreaming about the Curly Wurlies I read at the top of the page!

    Thankfully I get to come home for a visit this Chrismtas so I will definitely get my fill of Curly Wurlies!!

  4. brilliant post! if harry potter tried to get in my larder he'd have to take out the shoes and coats first! didn't know you were such a famous person!
    (nb. on the medals front i sent you an email as we were in front this morning!)

  5. I love this story and I'm very envious of your larder!

  6. Excellent! That means all your new blogging mates will be invited to the post-post-post-etc. wedding celebrations to eat said famous fruit cake. Yes??

    And while I'm here, may I just commend you on the geniousness that is the quilt you made for Mrs L. I'm in awe of your artistic abilities, and I WANT ONE!!!


  7. Very funny Trashy - and I must stress that I do count myself very very lucky to have received my post from you! So when are we having the party then? I presume we are all invited? I mean, who needs real friends when you've got such amazing imaginary ones?

    Locket xxx

  8. What a fantastic story to tell your kids, and that cake has stood the test of time. It's my 12th anniversary this year too and the only story I have was when I told the chauffeur to "F" off but it's a long story for another day!
    Well done cleaning out your larder, I'll get to mine in Spring!!

  9. I hate fruitcake too. I think most of our wedding cake went in the bin !!!

    You've also reminded me I should be cleaning and doing those chores I promised myself, rather than sitting here playing on the computer ... :p

  10. Wow and the only story about my wedding cake is it gave my DH food poisioning on our honeymoon.

  11. I've never heard of a larder...but I'm glad you got that taken care of!! ;)

  12. Um...for those among us who don't keep wedding cake in the closet for 11.5 years - how exactly is a cake prep'd for that kind of storage? And is it edible now? Inquiring minds want to know!

    ps: mail?

  13. Oh Trashy! This race is getting good!

    Australia = 35 TOTAL * 11 Gold 12 Silver 12Bronze
    Great Britain = 33 TOTAL * 16 Gold 9 Silver 8 Bronze

  14. We ate our cake on our first anniversary. Well, I ate most of it. My husband doesn't like cake. It wasn't too bad.

    11 1/2 years...WOW.

  15. What a hoot! Fantastic story!

    I've lived in a few houses with a larder (including my childhood home) and think they're the BEST. Nothing like a cupboard you can walk around in... and Oh, the things you'll find when you clean it out....!!!

  16. You are a riot! How fun to start my day by reading this wonderful post! The cake is beautiful! And how lucky to have a larder and you are like me- hoarder! With me though, as you have see, it is fabrics, whereas with you it is baking supplies...
    Happy day!
    ~Emily in Norway

  17. Hilarious - I can't believe those flowers aren't real!!
    (PS. We are having a paddle-out for Tas on Saturday so I'll post about it when we get back. Nice chance to celebrate his life as everyone was too stunned at the funeral)

  18. That is the most wonderful story! Those doors at the airport really are the doors of tears aren't they?

  19. As a West Country girl, I'm loving the use of the 'proper job' phrase!! I reckon you should have that wedding party now - to use a local term - a Gurt Big 'Un!!

  20. well, on the plus side, your belated UK wedding party can now also be your fifteenth anniversary celebration; excellent doubling up of resources, there!!! (i'm TOTALLY FREE during autumn in 3 years time, pressure...)


    perhaps at this point you should just save it a bit longer, and it can achieve heirloom status AND serve as princess c-dub's wedding cake as well! oooh...and...she might decide to emigrate back to "the old country" and thus it would be *DOUBLY* famous and airlines on two continents would envy/respect/dread your family for generations to come!

    not a bad legacy for what is, afterall, a *SMALLISH* cake... :)

  21. Oh my Trashy - that's the best story I've heard for ages!! I've just recounted it to Moogsdad - who, predictably rolled his eyes and said 'blimey' - maybe it lost something in my retelling??

    Sulking with larder envy - even with manky lino and stockpiles of spiders.....


  22. So that's where they were - I was wondering where all my smallish spiders had gone!
    Glad to see your larder has a similar look to mine - and even more pleased to hear you had a cakefest!