Sunday, 9 November 2008

well...okay, but remember you all asked for it.

This whole idea of 'great posts being streamlined to fit into a commentbox' has been lingering for a while. As has the idea that perhaps it is a post in itself. But my thoughts coalesced today when I was surfing through RicRac's blog roll and today's 'This is....' was 'This is ... my favourite quote'

Someone's blog (I have just made a fool of myself over at Jodie's while looking for the link) highlighted the fabulous exchange between Lady Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill in parliament in the twenties. You know the one -

'Sir, if you were my husband I should poison you.'

Madam, if you were my wife I should drink it.'

Always makes me think of another (currently unattributable) exchange - poss Lady A and Winnie again but maybe not -

'Sir you are drunk'

'Yes Madam but you are ugly and at least I shall be sober in the morning.'

Which in turn always makes me think of this place.

Years ago I worked in a cafe at one end of this street and was shutting up for the evening after a long and very busy Summer's day trade. On my way to clear the outside tables I vaguely noticed some people in the distance. My hands were full of other people's tea cups, cream tea remnants and such as I went back through the door so I hooked it closed with my foot. Except that it didn't close.

In the time it had taken me to make outside less attractive to the pigeons (a universe full of another story) the people had made it parallel with the cafe and one was on his way in for a restorative tea, just as I shut the door over.

He went ballistic in his so soothing Northern Irish accent, demanding to know why I had shut his head in the door and refusing to accept my apology that I hadn't seen him. He got all shouty and red-faced at me so I must confess to you all that I got a little shouty back. You are all surprised, right?

(It wasn't actually him > but you get the idea of level of shouty Northern Irishman to which I am referring .)

Please bear in mind that while this exchange is taking place I am laden with china and jam and scones and clotted cream, not to mention the assortment of tea dregs in my hands. Oh, and my boss and her friend were right behind me.

He kept ranting, even making it personal saying 'that I was fat and I'd seen him walk towards me and he only wanted a cup of tea' and well, I must confess to letting fly. I said that while I may be overweight I could always go on a diet but he would always be crazy. He stomped off muttering away.

Apparently he came back the following Summer and wanted to know if the angry Australian waitress was there before he would come inside! ;-)


  1. It's a wonder he didn't end up with some clotted cream up a nostril!!

  2. I would have emptied the tray on his head!
    I loved that original quote too...found at Sheeps Clothing

  3. Gee the amount of times i would loved to have ranted and raved at particular people I had waited on. One in particular at Crown Casino in Melbourne. I worked in the hotel for a while and I had a "run in" with Don Burke (so called famous celebrity gardener in Australia for all of Trash's UK readers). He was such an absolute ar*ehole and being a 5* establishent I had to hold my tongue. But boy, did I spread the word on what a pig he was - maybe that's why his show got the chop?? Let's hope so! Kathryn.

    PS. I had the best word verification this morning over at Flower Gardens blog - "sperm"! It's a wonder you didn't hear me laughing!

  4. The previous comment reminded me of a recent trip to the doctor's. we were waiting so long that the boys were getting bored so I said bring me some books, I'll read to you. DS1 brought a book with what looked like a tadpole on the front... yes, well we didn't read that one (aloud) about the life of some little sperm!!!

  5. I love this "this is..."! And I love your Lady A - Winnie moment! Nice work!

  6. I have just found your blog via Jo in tas and laughed my head of when I saw the eejit I say it a lot try not to but old habits die hard, and the pic of BIG MR IAN P well I could imagin it really being him LOL

  7. I'm sure there are many who would have loved to have shut the Rev Ian Paisley's head in a door at some point or another.

    Good for you for not taking the crubbish though. I had a friend who once accused her boyfriend of being drunk. He came back at her with the 'ugly' comment. I was a bad friend - I laughed. *blush*

    Personally, I think this was a great blog post - feel free to repeat yourself more often :-p


  8. This made me laugh so much! But now I'm a little worried about meeting you on Friday! Are you really an angry Australian? (Well I know you're Australian but you know what I mean...)

  9. Imagine getting that personal over a cup of tea. Good for you being quick-witted enough to have a comeback.

    Thanks for stopping by the blog today.

  10. That should be a blog category I reckon. Angry Australian.

    Nice comeback on your part though! Well done.

  11. HI!!!!!

    Thank you for your visit.

  12. That is hilarious. I love that you thought of it at the time, I would have remained open mouthed unable to respond and would have thought of it hours later. Well done you!

  13. Could Angry Australian Waitress not be your new blog name????? What did your boss of the time say when the man left? Were you still working there the next day (if not the next summer)? Are you safe to be let loose on the unsuspecting folks of London-town?

    Are there enough questions in that comment?

    Will you need a whole new blog post to answer them?

    Locket xxxx

  14. That's made me laugh so much. You sound very scary!

    But how rude of the obnoxious man to call you fat - you were very restrained I feel. Think I would have burst into tears and tried to make him feel like the nasty bully he was. I would have made him a cup of tea using everyone else's dregs = and spat in it for good measure too.

  15. Fancy him asking if you were still there! Cheeky Bugger!

  16. Visiting from Mrs. Magpie's joint...this exchange reminded me of the bumper sticker I saw on a car once: Sure I'm Fat, But You're Ugly, And At Least I Can Lose Weight. (My word verification is "couser" -- is that a word an Angry Australian might spit at some mean customer?)

  17. i definitely would haved dumped tray on him!!


  18. Lovely story, I've laught a lot imagining the picture! There are some people who don't deserve our sympathye or words!
    The village is very nice!

  19. ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so funny!!!!!!

  20. Ha ha haaaa - I'm laughing 'cos I know just how afraid Gina needs to be on Friday...what with you and Locket's bossy big sister!!

    Oh how I truly truly wish that your tea shop trauma really had involved Ian Paisley :-)


  21. Good for you!! I hate shouty people like that. I had one who ordered a flat white coffee from another waitress and when I brought it got angry at me because it was in a cup not a glass or something equally pissy. I just delivered the bloody thing, and I got to listen to n incredible tirade for 5 minutes. Always makes me think of that line "Don't shoot the messenger"

  22. if you decide to abandon your self-un-employment scheme and are willing to re-locate to new jersey, please let me know! i have any number of customers whose demeanor, attitude & head would be INFINITELY improved by virtue of angry australian door wrangling. in fact, i think you might be a pioneer in what could easily be a growth industry!!!