Sunday, 18 December 2011

The buggeredup kitchen

The man delivered my 'Kitchen in a van' this week.

 There were a lot of boxes arrayed around my kitchen arena, some were really long and skinny, some were quite dumpy and the piece of solid oak was 3m long by 1.2m across and fucking heavy.

The lovely kitchen-fitter Matt came around on Thursday evening, finished laying the floor and had a look at the boxes. He came back Friday night and started putting carcasses together. They looked very smart. Oak sides and back. We discussed the stability of the sink unit carcass if the internal struts were taken out to accomodate the U-shape drawer; this became moot when we discovered that said drawer was in fact the wrong one. I rang the kitchen " designer" ( a loose and self-applied title) and he said he couldn't understand what the problem was because the unit was meant to be used with/without horizontal strut and probably it would be ok to remove the vertical one as well.

Is anyone else seeing the issue here? I stomped my foot over the phone and he came up this morning to review the situation. Fortunately lovely kitchen-fitter Matt returned this morning with his friend Hugo, there was supposed to be a third man in the crew but he rang about 0830 to say he had been up all night being sick. Sheer coincidence the works do was the night before. He backed me up and Jimthekitchen man cancelled the whole idea of a u-shape drawer and went back off to work.

Half an hour later bacon sandwiches and coffees made I was called out to see that the carcass for the tall unit was wrong. And things fell apart from there. We then discovered
- there was no mechansim for pull-out larder at all.
- 6 out of 9 drawer fronts are not arriving until January. Maybe.
- one door is the wrong size by 10 cm and we are missing one that is the correct size.
- executing the island as per the plan means it is potentially unstable as it can't be screwed to the floor bc of the heating.
- an extraneous 15 cm gap that could have been some sort of cupboard if Jimthekitchenman was competent as a designer instead it is home to a filling panel and I HATE filling panels.
- that the units along one wall didn't match up to units on the another wall.
- all of the sockets are in the wrong place because according to Jimthekitchenman the 'computer printed out' incorrect measurements onto the layout plan.

I made three phone calls to Jimthekitchenman as each new issue was revealed and finally one visit  fuelled by cold rage, this resulted in a 15 minute phonecall to my clever joiner/carpenter men  back here at Trash Towers. I left there on the verge of frustrated tears but was holding it all together until CK rang  to ask how it was all going. At that point I had to pull the car off road and have a little cry. However I am all about the moving forward so headed home and went out with my boy to buy a Christmas Tree.

However because I am a 'Pollyanna' I should finish by telling you all that despite all the cock-ups and mismanagement I still love the units and worksurfaces.


  1. Crap!!! Ohh I hope it all comes together in the end. What's the kitchen designer man getting in his Christmas stocking this year? My bet is it isn't chocolate...wicked grin. Crossing my fingers for you and hopeing for the best.

  2. Well that sucks big time. So sorry. xxx

  3. Oh,man, that is just such a pain! Much sympathy.

  4. it's going to be okay.
    it's going to be okay.
    it's going to be okay.
    and yeah....what Andi said.
    {{hugs}} and some alcohol should make it all a little bit better!!

  5. Hey Trash! Ooooohhh ... not good!!! Having done the whole kitchen reno thing, I know how stressful it can be when everything WORKS, so can imagine your bloodpressure levels are skyrocketting. However ... as you said ... what's coming together looks great and when it's all done, the joy of having a wonderful new cooking area will eclipse the pain. Enjoy your Christmas season!! Bear Hugs! KRIS
    PS. have been good so far and not opened my gifties!! :0)

  6. in future, should you encounter any stick from J the K-M (or anyone else) do feel free to tell them you have friends in new jersey connected with the waste management industry. this is actually just true... but assuming he's seen "the sopranos" he might well misinterpret it, and i predict your customer service levels will rise commensurately! :) :) :)