Friday, 12 October 2007

I CAN do friendship.

(it is long but stick with me the pictures might make keep you interested!

my runner dog, he is too pretty to be straight!

Had two phone calls this week from friends. Well, not only two but two that got me thinking. Isn't it odd how other people perceive us vs how we perceive ourselves?

The first was from a very close schoolfriend. That is, close at school. Contact has been minimal with 12K miles between us. But bless her she was phoning to tell me all about our 20 year class reunion. Kinda nice, thoughtful, a little odd but you know, nice. So we chatted for the fraught 30 minutes before I had to leave to get the childer to school.

Catching up on the three years since our last conversation. Her business, her new BIG house (and hers really is hers - no bank involved), her daughters, ponies and family. Her dad has now had both legs amputated but apparently it is okay because he still thinks the world of me while not being interested in her at all!! :-@ And umm...her brother is now tracking down organised crime throughout Australia. What was I doing? Oh, you know. Stuff. Umm, washing, ironing, feeding people.

The other was from a local friend I haven't heard from in over six months b/c she now has a man. In fact she has had said man for many years now (~6 b/c started when Babyman really was a baby) but there was a lot of on and off incorporating many tears, heartbreaks and reunions. But now they are married and life is settled and lovely she has time to get in contact with her friends. Am OK with how that friendship works too b/c I know what to expect. And I know I could rely on her in a crisis without regular interaction required.

It is those friendships that founder when one party can't be bothered anymore. Hmm, do I sound bitter? I hope not but Moriaty drives me crazy. Even now four years on she populates my conversations. Bloody Hell! I'm even giving her room on MY 'innernets' space but I'm finding it almost a sociological study now. If Jane Goodall looked at human behaviour and interaction she would have been fascinated by the social habits of these hilltop dwellers.

What kills me most is Princess C-W has chosen spawn of Moriaty as her bestest ever friend. You would all be proud of me though. I ask weirdo child to come and play and when I take her home I make polite conversation with Moriaty but despite the 'Oh! We must have Princess C-W round to play!' statements has my girl ever gone there? No!

In some ways I am kind of old fashioned. I believe in the concepts of honour and responsibility. I truly believe people have rights but also that these should be counterbalanced by responsibilities. I am bringing up my children to believe in themselves and to value their own opinions but also to empathise with and listen to others. I like a good boundary but I also don't mind breaking them if required. What drives me crazy is watching this woman inveigle her way into people's lives. I want to warn her victims 'to be careful; this friendship is only valid b/c she wants something from you'. Omigod! I have just figured out that she is friendship vampire! Once the magic 'something' has been obtained she will move on. So perhaps not Moriaty, rather LeSaux (sp? Interview with a Vampire.).

Honestly I really am not bitter. I just don't understand b/c I addressed this directly with her a few years ago - apparently she doesn't know what 'happened'. But that doesn't stop her from completely ignoring me everyday at school. Last week when Giovanna (sister) was here Moriaty walked within inches of me completely ignoring my existence and said hello to her just a foot behind me!

Similarly in the supermarket we passed each other three times and it was only the third time when I greeted her that she looked at rather than through me! I shake my head at it all really but after much dwelling on it and over it I have decided that it takes a lot for me to let go of a friendship but with this one I am ready to do just that.

So my positive affirmation for today is I am Trash and I can do friendship!

Cheers everyone and have a great weekend.

1 comment:

  1. mmm, friendship vampires, not good! Leave it in this post and don't feed it anymore.
    I seem to remember that the school/parent/child thing is very competitive and political.
    I agree, boundaries are very important, besides how could we fight against them if we didn't have them?? Chaos, anarchy...!!
    Good luck with your journey...and our mutual appreciation of handbags....