Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Utter, bloody CRUBBISH

I spoke with a friend this morning. She was crying.

Her words said so much with so little. 'I thought we had a perfect marriage.'

Three children under seven.

Nearly ten years of marriage.

You would think that boys would have worked out that we know 'I don't love you anymore' is code for 'I've met someone else'.

This is the sixth time in five years I have lived through this with friends and I still don't know what to say.

I rang CK at work at lunchtime and told him that if he was thinking he might fall out of love with me then I would appreciate it if he would do it sooner rather than later and be honest and decent enough to say it straight out because I would rather just know. He asked me what the statute of limitations was on him falling in love with someone else - I told him I was serious. He then said surely the only reason to leave woud be if he found someone better so......

Bless him. We may not have a perfect marriage but I hope that it is all the stronger for being able to talk about these things.


  1. I'm so sorry for your friend! Some guys really stink!

    A few are really great - God bless the good ones.

  2. I'm supporting a friend in a similar situation but with different reasons for the split and it is hard. I'm sorry for your friend. Lucy x

  3. I am absolutely CERTAIN that you and CK being able to have those conversations will get you a long way towards keeping it all on track.

    I'm seeing this from a different angle I guess, but I have come to believe (or maybe just convinced myself) that what might be 'right' for us at one point in our lives, doesn't necessarily make it 'right' for us for the rest of our lives. People do change.

    Hopefully your friend will find - as I have - that she is a whole lot stronger and more resilient than she thought she was. And just maybe this will give her the chance at a bigger, better happiness around a corner which isn't yet in view? I hope so - I really hope so.

    Take care. :-) x

  4. So horrible. We are very firm in our resolve to stay together no matter what. We are not religious but we made a promise to stay together forever, not until something better comes along.

  5. That is completely crubbish. My heart goes out to your friend.

  6. Tricky stuff Trash. I think we are at that stage. Glad we can be of support to friends who need us! A universal problem I think. . .

  7. So funny! The husband and I have an agreement that if there comes a time where he just doesn't want to be together that we will sit down and openly talk about it. I would rather it hurt from breaking up then have to deal with being betrayed. My husband always shakes his head but in the end always agrees it is the best. My husband says, "you have to stop watching those movies where a woman is scorned. It makes it hard on us guys" - I say - It isn't the movies, it is the real stories that lead to this discussion!!!

  8. I just found your blog through SITS and it's great! I used to live in Cockfosters on MT. Pleasant and in London on Alderney ST. a long time ago. Way cool!!!
    I'm gonna add you to my blog pals.

  9. So sorry to hear about your friend. I think the betrayal is the worst thing - at least if he had the decency to be honest with her - obviously too cowardly to be honest.

    Our marriage isn't perfect but I think Moogsdad would be too scared to leave in case he ended up with someone worse!!!!

    Good on CK for being so lovely :)


  10. Scary. It's one of those things where you think it would never happen to you...and it's so sad to watch people go through a divorce.


  11. Sad... I feel bad for your friend...Can't imagine having to go through that. I have the same comversations with my hubby.... You will tell me before you leave me right? Sometimes we joke about it... but I think it is important to acknowledge that no marriage is perfect.. it is a lot of hard work. She is lucky to have friends to support her.
    Found you through SITS... wanted to babble & say HI! : )

  12. Very sad. Marriage has become like a lot of other stuff in modern day life ... easily disposable. :-(

    Congrats on winning the SITS contest ... enjoy the t-shirt :-)