Harvey the Wonderdog

I had a dream last night.

CK and I were walking across the grassy field next to our highrise apartment block (a field which was patently my school oval - bear with me this is a dream) and my beautiful OMD was out there too, happily gnawing a bone.

Then we were up high, looking out the window from our flat and I could see him out on the grass with the bone. When I looked again he was gone.

I woke up and leant over CK to the far side of the bed to check the spot where my OMD has slept for many years. I stopped half way.

It has been a month now and even my dreams have a Harvey-shaped hole into which I keep stumbling.

The bastard found a frisbee shop.

The day has drawn nearer so much more quickly than I thought.

In the space of four hours this morning he had three quite heavy-duty fits. I knew things weren't going to be good.

Today has been spent sitting with him and gently stroking him, marvelling at how puppy-soft that small patch behind each ear remained while the rest of him has got old.

I lay next to him keeping him calm and warm until CK could get home from work. As always his discomfort and general unhappiness with the universe (congenital and not age-related, the grumpy old bugger) were alleviated when CK walked through the door.

Whatever blood the nice lady vet took from him was obviously the magic stuff as he slowly started to decline rapidly from Thursday morning. It was with much sadness that we made the most godawful decision of my life, his life, our lives.

So having regularly beaten seven bells out of The Grim Reaper since Christmas 2008 my beautiful OMD has finally conceded defeat. That tall skinny bastard better hold up his end of the bargain and turn up with the best frisbee ever.

If you could spare a second to think a happy thought for my gorgeous boy around 0930 BST Saturday (1930EST) I would appreciate it.

The day draws nearer - but not yet.

My OMD was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure this morning.

As well as extreme regenerative anaemia and ulcerated stomach lining.

However the vet said she checked the findings twice because the failing dog the numbers were talking about was not the quite perky, wobbly-headed, fally-down dog she saw in her consulting room.

We are dealing with things via diet and drugs and will watch carefully what happens over the next few weeks.

So once again my lovely OMD has told The Grim Reaper to fuck off and not bother coming back until he can find a really good frisbee.

Alone. All alone.

So here I am, the day before the end of January and I have been kicked out of my home.

I shouldn't complain really I suppose.

The sun is shining. The sky is blue and finally the temperature has risen into positive numbers. That and the fact that my banishment is only temporary. As I wait for the ping of the text message to say I am allowed back I am sitting ina flash chain coffe shop at a table with comfy seats. I have an uber-trashy newspaper, CK's baby laptop, my knitting plus a MAHOOSIVE hot chocolate has been consumed.

One can only imagine the things that are taking place back at Trash Towers.

Last year during my exclusion they were designing and decorating the '40' magnet that now adorns my fridge. The year before I walked the dogs in the bitter cold and dark while they secretly baked a cake. Apparently it was CK's determination to keep it secret that stopped him washing the dishes that were already waiting to be done. You see, he didn't want me becoming suspicious so he only did the implements of baking. He was corrected of this misapprehension very swiftly.

Tomorrow will show the results of today's adventures.

So anyway this past week up at Trash Towers we have

- had the architect visit and been extremely excited to think we wouldn't need planning permission but reality soon intruded. (I know I have posted this already but I did say the ecitement was extreme!!!)

- had words with destructoBoy's teacher bc I am sending him to school in tears as he is so bored. Was very restrained about the whole thing and tried to work w her (trust me it isn't easy) but think the older, v . experienced teacher sidling into room on a pretext during meeting AND then contributing more than a little rude and quite odd.

- been pondering the balance of letting daughter attend much desired sleepover vs not wishing her to watch 'Zombieland' movie OR 'Sun, sea & sex' tv programme.

- been gobsmacked at friend thinking it funny to point out on Facebook that she thinks I talk to much. Perhaps I do love but there is a time and place is all I am saying.

- watched OMD become increasingly wobbly-headed and unsteady. Think he may have had another episode. Current in-house theory is extreme cold exacerbates his condition.

- found job to apply for. Right field, close-by, not ridiculous hours. All this adds up to me being unlikely to get it! Never mind, shall send in application anyway.

- have given into the frigging headcold that has been visiting. Am so completely over having to exist on lipbalm and water. Promise that one day my lips will be uncracked?

- made one of Jodie's softies. OK so his head is a little skewiff and I didn't put on the seperate face bit that actually makes him a monkey but d/Boy and I were pleased.

- made a fairy skirt for god-daughter bc it is really only 4yo who will wear the things I make (see note about 'skewiff' above).

- tried to knit lace patterns. With each attempt I manage several rows correctly and then BAM! the whole thing goes wrong. Do you think it is personal?

- had a pedicure AND an eyelash tint. Beautician lady is also teaching assistant at d/Boy's school so indulged in good gossip. Plus tint was free as she was practising for her course. Noice!

- planned day out to Southampton with CK tomorrow. John Lewis, Ikea, Waterstones and as many other nice shops as I can fit into the available time there. Damn you school pick-up necessity!

- made biscuits AND cake for school cake stall.

- had lunch with lovely friends in gorgeous cottage. Some people just have the magic touch with design and acessories.

- been with a friend when she received horrible news.

- , as always, taken time to be grateful and appreciative of the small things that make up life.

Wishing you all a fabulous February.

Oooops, sorry... I seem to have mislead you.

There seems to have been some error in the previous post. My worries about the old man appear to have been erroneous. The cheeky bastard is carrying on like he didn't give me emotional heart failure on Monday.

He is eating like a really hungry horse, weeing and pooing for Great Britain and enjoying a gentle stroll up the lane with CK. His rear end is not necessarily listening to the plans the front half is making and regularly tries to go in a different direction which, in turn, results in regular spontaneous connections with the ground but generally he is annoyingly cheery and perky.

I shall be submitting the invoice for my counselling sessions to his lord and master (that would be CK).

Right then, off to drug him with the glorious Vivitonin and then bed.

heartsore

Yesterday morning my old man dog stood up to go outside and shout at the melting snow. Unfortunately his back legs didn't come to the party. He made it out the front door only to fall flat on his tuchus.


CK and I spent the day observing him, looking for any little sign that would give hope. For hours there was nothing. His back legs were simply unable to bear weight and kept going out from under him.


We continued to watch. Silently. Both of us thinking the same thing but neither prepared to say it. Our victories were small. Standing for a second before collapsing. Managing to stagger across the room to CK rather than dragging himself using only his forelegs.


By teatime he was lying on the floor to eat. We continued sharing a look but saying nothing.


However Christmas miracles do occur and come bedtime he was standing, albeit gingerly. He spent the night upstairs in our room, curled up next to the heater. It obviously was a magic heater as the next morning he was able to walk downstairs with no more than the normal amount of assistance.


CK even took him out for a short walk yesterday afternoon.


I took him to the vet this morning and she confirmed that he has had another brain blowout. As she examined him she reminded me that it is all about quality of life and that for now my Old Man Dog has a great one.


For now this has to be enough.


My heart remains sore because I think we are on a path of diminishing returns and heartbreak won't be far off.