I feel so grown-up

In the last two days I have dealt with financial advisors and financial matters in an effective and (vaguely) professional manner, organised holiday get togethers for destructoBoy so that when his sister is at Scout Camp he has something to do AND I have instructed a builder!!!!!

Yes I have!

There will actually be real live building work taking place at my house this Summer. Oh! And OH!

Omigod.Omigod.Omigod.

Recent times in pictures

The White Rabbit was late for a seventh birthday party!

Gorgeous Baby Will.

Hanging out on top of The Hill.
My Assistant in the Winter sunshine.

Mother's Day Dinner made by destructoBoy.

In the past month...

I have ...

* finalised plans for new kitchen/living room building (Yippee! Woohoo! And Yay!) .

* nearly left my husband during IKEA trip to id potential kitchens (not that he even realised but I felt better for considering it).

* transported four highly excited under 9s through the wilds of Wiltshire to their first chess tournament. They only came 8/12 bc of a mahoosive amount of adult-sanctioned cheating by other schools. Seriously a headmaster who calls his under 9 pupils 'stupid' bc they lost a chess match??

* realised not every family plays maths and history and word games during 'long' car trips'! Who knew?

* mortified my son by banning the use of all the blurry DS consoles those children had for an hour during the six we spent at said tournament.

* been reminded of all the fabulous and exciting history there is on our doortsep here in Engerland.

* not been asked for interview to a job I would have loved.

* bought my daughter a new school bag following on from the saga last term.

* met old friend and children (inc god daughter) for lunch in beautiful Cathedral surrounds.

* had verbal smackdown with Mr. HeadTeacher twice. Once about the crazy-arse parking that goes on down there and the other about having held the door for the ENTIRE school (inc one teacher) and only one child said thank you. (And it wasn't my son, about which we have since had words ;-)

* had a meeting about teaching capability of destructoBoy's teacher because he is bored in class, every day.
* been called scarey by a parent at school.
* dobbed in stupid Yr. 8 students clever enough to hide out of sight from staff when smoking at playtime but sufficiently stupid to stand next to railing fence right beside road.

* praised highly to teacher the one child who did thank me for holding open school door.

* extremely lately handed over handmade birthday present to good friend and I think she liked it.

* had double success over at Posh Yarns Sunday night sellout. I foresee perhaps a hat for Princess C-W for Christmas with the pink sparkly one and the kicking-off off a garter stitch scarf kal this Friday with the chunky cashmere.

* nursed destructoboy through a whole month of ear infection. This entailed four visits to the doctors, three lots of antibiotics and one fight with the rottweilerXdoctors' receptionist. TG it has cleared up now and he is playing at top speed again.

* received a phonecall from YOT telling me my phone was being kept in their safe overnight if I would like to come and collect it the following morning. Oops!!
* recognised it is still six months away but have made a decision on d/Boy's birthday present.
* identified OMD's episodes as being epilepsy not a stroke.
* watched freezing on the sidelines as my son captained the under 9s to a distinct non-victory at the local schools football tournament. I was the screeching woman on the sidelines but offset my mania by cheering for the other teams too.

* purchased outfit for 80th birthday party this Saturday.

* attended Princess C-W's first ever secondary parent/teacher evening. Unlike most of her peers she didn't attend and so didn't hear how well-regarded she is by her teachers and how well she is doing in her classes. There was a little glow about us as parents by the end of it all. And I didn't even start-up on her History teacher. Perhaps it was bc she looked so knackered after dealing w grown-ups all evening. Perhaps it was bc she was our last stop and we could go home afterwards. I don't know why but remain impressed that I maintained my silence when she referred to 'our written conversation earlier in the year' and how she 'always encourages parents to help with the homework'. HA!

* taken the big black dog to the vet with a sore eye. Am hoping to stave off need to do this again.

* had The Bat Lady around to visit and am sending off her report today. This in turn means we apply for planning permission by the end of the week. If you want to voice an objection you have two months to lodge it with the relevant authority!

Fecking ear infection!

15 days and he STILL is in pain.

If anyone has clues* on how to fix this please fill in the virtual postcard below.






















* And by clues I mean something other than advice I received from the local clinical herbalist. I really didn't fancy trying to put a piece of garlic in the exceedingly sore ear of a hugely reticent 9 yo!

My rotten blurry Assistant

This morning I took destructoBoy to school and stopped up at Yukky Old Tesco to collect my phone which they rang me last night to tell me I had left there.

I was out of the house for about 25 minutes.

Only two dogs greeted me at the door on my return. The third was hiding upstairs.

When I went in to the living room I could see why.

Scraps of pink and red foil littered the carpet and a very forlorn mesh bag layed ripped on the floor. Not a scrap of chocolate in sight.

My assistant came down the stairs and tried to be my friend. Really really tried to be my friend. If she were a tall dog her paws would have been over my shoulders.

I turned away and rang the vet.

Apparently 75gm of milk chocolate inside a 10 kg dog is not a poison issue. Although I might want to keep her comfortable as her she may have a sore tummy.

There may have been a gasp of shock as I replied 'Good! I hope it hurts like hell.'

Now I have to tell d/Boy his secret chocolate Valentines are sitting inside the dog.

Rotten fecking blurry assistant

You know, that painter...

destructoBoy went back to school yesterday after having Thursday/Friday off last week with a shitty ear infection. The lovely doctor we saw on Thursday gave me a script for antibiotics but suggested I give it 48 hours in case a miracle cure occured. I knew we were in for a rough ride when mid-afternoon Thursday he asked me how many hours left until we could go to the chemist.


Anyway, d/Boy came home last night telling me all about the whizzy new books their class got yesterday.

Two complete sets of the Michael Morpurgo books because apparently they are very popular!

Both the Toby Alone books.

And a whole series about famous artists. There was Monet,

Leonardo Da Vinci

and Mick Someoneorother.

Alone. All alone.

So here I am, the day before the end of January and I have been kicked out of my home.

I shouldn't complain really I suppose.

The sun is shining. The sky is blue and finally the temperature has risen into positive numbers. That and the fact that my banishment is only temporary. As I wait for the ping of the text message to say I am allowed back I am sitting ina flash chain coffe shop at a table with comfy seats. I have an uber-trashy newspaper, CK's baby laptop, my knitting plus a MAHOOSIVE hot chocolate has been consumed.

One can only imagine the things that are taking place back at Trash Towers.

Last year during my exclusion they were designing and decorating the '40' magnet that now adorns my fridge. The year before I walked the dogs in the bitter cold and dark while they secretly baked a cake. Apparently it was CK's determination to keep it secret that stopped him washing the dishes that were already waiting to be done. You see, he didn't want me becoming suspicious so he only did the implements of baking. He was corrected of this misapprehension very swiftly.

Tomorrow will show the results of today's adventures.

So anyway this past week up at Trash Towers we have

- had the architect visit and been extremely excited to think we wouldn't need planning permission but reality soon intruded. (I know I have posted this already but I did say the ecitement was extreme!!!)

- had words with destructoBoy's teacher bc I am sending him to school in tears as he is so bored. Was very restrained about the whole thing and tried to work w her (trust me it isn't easy) but think the older, v . experienced teacher sidling into room on a pretext during meeting AND then contributing more than a little rude and quite odd.

- been pondering the balance of letting daughter attend much desired sleepover vs not wishing her to watch 'Zombieland' movie OR 'Sun, sea & sex' tv programme.

- been gobsmacked at friend thinking it funny to point out on Facebook that she thinks I talk to much. Perhaps I do love but there is a time and place is all I am saying.

- watched OMD become increasingly wobbly-headed and unsteady. Think he may have had another episode. Current in-house theory is extreme cold exacerbates his condition.

- found job to apply for. Right field, close-by, not ridiculous hours. All this adds up to me being unlikely to get it! Never mind, shall send in application anyway.

- have given into the frigging headcold that has been visiting. Am so completely over having to exist on lipbalm and water. Promise that one day my lips will be uncracked?

- made one of Jodie's softies. OK so his head is a little skewiff and I didn't put on the seperate face bit that actually makes him a monkey but d/Boy and I were pleased.

- made a fairy skirt for god-daughter bc it is really only 4yo who will wear the things I make (see note about 'skewiff' above).

- tried to knit lace patterns. With each attempt I manage several rows correctly and then BAM! the whole thing goes wrong. Do you think it is personal?

- had a pedicure AND an eyelash tint. Beautician lady is also teaching assistant at d/Boy's school so indulged in good gossip. Plus tint was free as she was practising for her course. Noice!

- planned day out to Southampton with CK tomorrow. John Lewis, Ikea, Waterstones and as many other nice shops as I can fit into the available time there. Damn you school pick-up necessity!

- made biscuits AND cake for school cake stall.

- had lunch with lovely friends in gorgeous cottage. Some people just have the magic touch with design and acessories.

- been with a friend when she received horrible news.

- , as always, taken time to be grateful and appreciative of the small things that make up life.

Wishing you all a fabulous February.

I am an embarrasment as a mother.

destructoBoy has been attending an Arsenal Training Club for the last couple of Friday nights. This is an invite only programme and undoubtedly means that one day my boy will be Captain of the England Team and lead them to the country's first Wold Cup victory since 1966.

That is if he doesn't drown first.

His first session last week took place during an the tail end of an all day downpour of very heavy, very cold, extremely wet rain. I lasted five minutes before heading back to read for an hour in the dry of the car.

This week it was cold but fortunately dry so I stood and watched. There was another mother and she and I chatted. She pointed out her sons, detailing the afterschool and Saturday clubs they attend. I commented on our lack of football knowledge and the fact that d/Boy has spent most of the Autumn choosing which Premier League club to support as neither CK nor myself have any allegiance. Or it must be said, interest.

We watched in silence for some more minutes stamping our feet and shivering politely side by side.

"So is that your younger son? The one wearing the Yeovil Town strip?" I asked knowledgeably, taking comfort in my recognition of the local football team.

"Actually, it's the Chelsea keeper's away strip."


"Oh."

We continued watching in deepening silence.

Based on past experience I knew it was coming one day.

"I don't get it." Said d/Boy while watching the lastest Bodyform ads.



"Don't get what?" I asked (thinking please let him be referring to the rapidly changing styles of undies being flashed up on screen.)


"What those things they are advertising are actually for?"


(Bugger! Wasn't expecting to have to answer this at 4:30 on a Monday afternoon.)

So explained the whole thing to him.

"And this happens to you?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm .... 'K."

He really just couldn't help himself.

After a ropey start to the morning (Saturday a.m.=Sgt. Mjr. Mama, it wasn't pretty) d/Boy finally started talking to me again. Unfortunately it was to pester me into letting him teach me to play chess, all while I was trying to ensure he would be fed in short-order because the alternative was unthinkable.

Once the hunger demon had been calmed I agreed to learn. Let me set the scene.

Rain coming down from a bright sky (seriously), wood fire flickering gently, daughter sitting on the inferior couch computering away and d/Boy had set the chessboard up on the 'zebra' box and was explaining the starting moves. CK was sitting on the gold couch staring into space, a viable and constructive use of a Saturday afternoon.

I was a quick student and d/Boy a fairly handy teacher, holding onto his cool when I again asked which direction a pawn could take. CK was throwing his views in every so often as well . Things progressed apace and soon I was able to remember the moves most of the shapes made, although I was still getting into trouble for saying things like d/Boy's 'Bishop could eat my knight'. It was only once the game was well and truly under way did I notice the increased regularity of CK's contribution to the match.

His verbal contribution that was matched by his increasing proximity to the board. The input became more frequent and reached the complete depths when he actually started moving pieces and suggesting plays. For whatever reason his internal safety sensors were down and he was ignoring my 'shut up and let him do it' glares.

Even my assistant knew when it was time to take cover.

It was a tense match all the way to the end and, despite losing, I feel I must have acquited my self admirably as I was rewarded with the words 'You know, you played much better than I thought you would.'

We forgave CK his misdemeanours and enjoyed mini-yoyos handbaked Chez Trash.

For Sale.

* Small assistant. Nice line in shouting to be let out before wee accident occurs. Inability to read clock and recognise 'reasonable hour' dictates sales. Terms negotiable.


* Child (blue 2001 model). Quite tall, sound teeth and advancing fixation w style of hair. Growth spurt and resultant shitty moods when required to do something non-compatible w personal life view demand removal from premises. Kicking of tyres when viewing not recommended. All good offers considered.


* Proto-teen (pink 1998 model). Witty, dry SoH. Despite best efforts and years of practice am still unable to communicate w said model. Result - inability of model to understand need to be aware of PE bag when at school. Minimal negotiation on price as need to buy new PE kit. Sadly instruction booklet unavailable. Would suit patient languages student/lecturer.


* Lace pattern book. Thick book w glossy pages and many colour pics. Sadly all patterns include fatal flaw, some just gibberish. Very useful for jigsaw-loving family or care group. Will ensure all pieces included in posting envelope.


* Swap/Trade - buggery awful cough. Just noise, no yuk. Two weeks of ownership means have gotten best from it. Willing to exchange for new lungs and/or oesophaegus. Benefits - sexy husky voice, great abs workout.

The literal mind of the nine year old boy

This morning as I turned off the television I went into Saturday morning 'Sgt Majr Mama mode'.

"Both of you go and strip your beds please." issued forth alongside a whole load of instructions. You know the kind - brush your hair, get dressed, brush your teeth, have breakfast, tidy up, etc, etc. While they finished following orders I started the wash of the bed linen.

Later that morning I turned to d/Boy and said "Boyer, when you take that stack of folded undies and socks (that have been festering for several days on the end of the couch) up to your room will you take your sheet up and put it on your bed please."

I have just been up to his room. There on his bed amid the detritus of a stripped bed is his sheet, all freshly laundered and still folded. *le sigh*

We're feeling hot, hot, hot!

Things are heating up here at Trash Towers.

After much swearing and silent shouting this afternoon CK finally placed the guts inside Princess C-W's new heater and then he and d/Boy plumbed it into the electrickery that lives in the wall.

And before that the two of them fitted the new heater into d/Boy's room.

Guess who had to hoover up all the brick dust and swarf afterwards?

ScottFest 2010

Move over Glasto! The kids and I headed to ScottFest last Saturday.

The weather order was filled perfectly. Blue skies, huge fluffy white clouds and no breeze.

We got there early and set-up the prettiest tent in the universe and while the terences went off to explore I sat and read the paper CK had packed for me.

One of the dads took great delight in teaching d/Boy to ride a motorbike. My boy was a bit wobbly to start but after the first circuit of the showgrounds he got it and was off. Ride like the wind Bullseye!

Princess Curly-Wurly took full advantage of the mahoosive blow-up assault course and the stilts (Although fortunately NOT at the same time. No broken legs here thanks.) before comandeering the quad bike and pegging it around the perimeter of the venue as fast as she could. My heart was in my mouth the entire time until she took me on a ride and I realised 'as fast as she could' was not the same as 'as fast as the quad will go'.

Despite packing two bedrolls, three pillows, one mahoosive airbed, three sleeping bags, two duvets, two double thickness fleece blankets, a basket of warm clothes to wear as the evening approached, jammies, loo roll, knitting, drawing paper and pencil, food to keep the troops going through until breakfast including my assistant, water for us all, a deckchair for me and picnic blanket for the rest (breath) two trips were required back up the hill. The first was for more food and water. The second for CK's spare set of car keys because I was sure I had locked his in the boot. The alternative was too dreadful to consider.

The whole event was chilled out and relaxed with people taking it in turns to cook, tend to children, mix and pour drinks. There was a marquee put up so that the evening's entertainment (Nick Tatham) had somewhere to sit while he played and a fire pit for us all to stand around and toast marshmallows once he had finished.

One of my arch-nemesis was there and put his mono-pod (or eco-pod or some such stupid name for a solid-sided domed tent) right in front of my prettiest-tent-in-the-universe. Within about five minutes he came across all smiley, hippy-happy and said

'Can't we be friends? I hate having to avert my eyes when I see people.'

'I'm not the one who said I don't like Australians' says I sunglasses down, attitude high.

'Oh you shouldn't take any notice of that. I'm a South African. (WTF?!?) Friends?' as he stretched out his hand.

Again he said 'Friends?'

Sunglasses still on I agreed and shook his hand, all the while grimacing on the inside.

d/Boy was getting quite tired by 10pm so after making the mahoosive trek to the far end of the Showgrounds and using the real loos (glamping all the way here baby) he, my assistant and I retired for the night. After a 20 minute struggle with the bedding mountain we fell asleep. Princess C-W crawled in at 11.30!

We slept well until half 3 when the requisite night-time wee was required. Of course I could not find the lead so had to hold my assistant while excavating a very sleepy d/Boy from the bedding mountain then around the back of the tent for a wee rather than head to the other end of the field. All relatively straight forward until my bladder decided it too needed to experience the full joy of camping so still holding my assistant I had to undertake all aspects of outdoor weeing with one free hand.

The whole experience was exacerbated by the proximity of the tent to a boarding kennels. My assistant was wriggling like a lunatic and growling through my hand clamped around her jaw all while d/Boy was standing admiring the bazillion stars visible in the cloud-free sky. As we settled back inside the blanket mountain that d/Boy turned to me and said 'I don't like camping.'

We shall see next Summer my boy, we shall see.

I married the wrong man.

Princess C-W has just informed me about some girls in her new year who have the surname 'Treasure'. I have informed her that had she been into that family I would have been forced to call her 'Boxarella Olivia' so that she could be known as 'Box. O. Treasure'. Her brother would have been named Chester. And I might even have gone so far as to take their father's surname when we married.

Silverpebble's Shadow-a-long II

Today was a bit grim and overcast and heralded the rain we have been expecting since teatime. But I took these pictures the weekend before last and just looking at them today lifted my spirits a little.

This is the Waterford pattern 'Newgrange.' And I love the clarity in the shadow.

The sun hitting these apples manages to give Autumn a good name even as Summer draws to a close.

And these mandarins glow in the afternoon sunlight.

But that weekend this was my favourite shadow of all.

All in all a busy week really.

OK so really the week began on Friday 3 September but how ridiculous to start a new school year on a Friday. Bah!

All dressed up in her 'big school' uniform my girl left the house to start a whole new adventure.

Then on the Monday proper it was destructoBoy's birthday.

*Presents. *Teatime cake. *Playing with the teatime cake. *Racing Granma's car.

This coincided with two new ventures here on top of the hill. One that involves an extra nine yo 6/10 mornings during termtime and the other was the whirling dervish arrival of the AbFab puppy.

TG we only have her for a few weeks as I am sure both my assistant and the old men dogs would be moving out at the thought of it becoming even semi-permanent.

Smiley Carol got brave enough one morning to deliver my fabulous parcel in the 'As You Like It' Swap 2010.

So much swappy loveliness from Jane. My themes were clouds (because I am such a geeky nerd and love looking up at them and the shapes they make)and also apples. Jane played with both and these are the results.

All the loot.

*Two of my favourite things - Amy Butler fabric and Snickers (those chocolate bars are so teeny weeny!).*Front and back of the pincushion (oh how clever is that Amusement Park fabric?). *Lovely appley Thank You cards. *Super smart Paisley notebook I had to put out of Pr C-W's hands. * Tissues that made me smile. * Sweet appley fabric basket in which to place all the teeny weeny US bob. * The cloudy back of my lovely Ticker Tape quilty hanging.

And then the front of the ticker Tape Quilt.

There is so much going on it is eyecandy for the soul. An eyeful of sweetness and a colour high every time I look at it. I just love it. Thank you Jane it is all simply delicious.

Wednesday after school d/Boy and I invented 'sweetie/Nerf shooting'.

*Throwing out the bob. * Bullet firing. The premise being if he hit the bob he could eat it. Needless to say the bob were safe ;-)
So much of this week (and the last) has been taken up with 'doing' Pr C-W's room . It went from this -

To this.

And yesterday the carpet man came and laid a brand new raspberry pink carpet. Farewell threadbare, stinky, horrid, 40 yo Axminster.

So while the man was laying the pretty new carpet yesterday I started the party baking. We have gold coins, some skellington and 'X marks the spot' biscuits. In the bottom R corner is the 'wooden treasure chest' sitting over the cake.



Right then. Off to bed in preparation for the onslaught.

Phew! I think we have the cakes sorted.

There is a tradition up here at Trash Towers of two birthday cakes on your birthday.

Yes that is correct two, because what is a birthday without cake for breakfast?

destrutoBoy has requested Lemon Drizzle to start the day which is a fresh, zingy (sugar-laden) flavour to kickstart the celebrations. Perfect choice as a recent Good Food had a recipe for a gluten-free lemon cake and I reeeeeeeeeeaaally wanted to try it.

Wish I hadn't.

It was yuk. Squooshy texture and an unceratin taste that left my tongue perplexed. So need to find another recipe (hurrah for the innernets) and also make small cakes to take into school.

The birthday boy has asked for a surprise for the teatime one. I am currently torn between A)something pool table-ish as this is his current fascination and B) something I can cover in small, plastic horses and ponies as I have been telling him for weeks he can expect 'the birthday pony' to turn up for his present.

This joke has been pleasingly exacerbated by the number of saddles and riding kit we have seen in windows of charity and junk shops recently and the fact that it is harvest time and the roads are filled with mahoosive trailers laden high with haybales.

Right then. Let the baking commence!

Nine day countdown begins.

destructoBoy is having a birthday party Sunday week.

(from here)

He has decided it is to be a treasure hunt.

Fabulous.

(from here)

Now it means I have to organise it.


Any hints?

Anyone?

Woohoo! Problem sorted.

18 sleeps left until d/Boy's birthday and we have the present situation under control with much love and gratitude to Messrs Google and Amazon.

Nerf - tick
Dr. Who - tick

Gadget - tick

Boring clothing things your mother insists you get for birthdays - tick

Assorted other item to make a cracking sized birthday parcel -tick

Now just the birthday jaunt to the seaside to organise.

Thank you all for your fabulous suggestions, with only four months until Christmas they have been stored for future reference ;-)